If you missed Part I of the How Wayne Brady and The Secret Conspired to Make Me a Stay at Home Mom story then you’ll want to READ THIS first before going on…
Saturday, the morning of the big Don’t Forget the Lyrics audition, rolled around quickly. I met up with my friends Lisa & Honor who were already waiting in the long line full of hundreds of other karaoke-lovin’ hopefuls, wearing my best cute-yet-casual black top and a funky floral skirt from Seattle (couldn’t risk wearing the same thing as someone else), drinking my Venti Chai Tea Latte, hoping to God I wasn’t going to shart from the nerves.
After an hour or so of waiting in line outside the Pacific Beach bar, quizzing each other on song lyrics, we finally made it to the front of the line. We were escorted into the bar area, gagged a little on the stale stench of spilt beer from the night before, and then began Round 1 of the audition process–a written quiz on song lyrics.
The quiz covered every music genre imaginable, everything from Bon Jovi to Michael Jackson to Paul Simon. And though I knew every song on the test, it was really loud in the holding area with crowd noise and piped in bar music so I could not hear myself think. I had total brain freeze. I knew the songs but I could not think of the lyrics.
In order to make it through to the next round we had to get at least 60% right on the written test. While we waited for them to grade our tests, we ordered drinks, pints of cider to be exact, and watched as all the people around us either hi-fived each other and got called into the next room or shook their heads in dejection saying, “oh man I was only one word off!” as they turned to head out the door. Lisa, Honor and I compared notes on what answers we wrote and I tried adding up the songs I thought I had gotten right. It didn’t seem like many. Oh, and I might have also had diarrhea. I’m not sure.
As the young cute gal was grading my test, making red check mark after red check mark, I just kept thinking, I am so made for this show. I will be really bummed if these stupid questions about LYRICS prohibit me from going to the next round. Red check. Red check. Crap! Red check.
Miss Triscuit Muffin Casting Gal finally called me over, handed me my paper back, looked up and said. You made it. Barely. Congratuations. *Smile*
I had exactly 60% correct so just BARELY eeked by. But it didn’t matter, I was through. I jumped up and down and squealed like a school girl. I may have even fist bumped her. Can’t remember.
Round 2 entailed actual singing and I was in heaven, though still BEYOND nervous. We were put in smaller groups of 8-10 people and were tasked with stating our favorite singer and then singing one of their songs. I was 6th in line to go so I had some time to think of which artist I wanted to sing. But again, brain freeze. The ONLY singer I could think of was Madonna, which you would think would be a shoe-in, but I could not for the life of me think of one lyric to one Madonna song. Not one.
And I am a HUGE MADONNA FAN!
Seriously, not one song came into my mind. My mouth got dry and cotton-ball-ish. I started to sweat. Then I started to do a weird jig in hopes it would jog my memory. And soon it was gonna be my turn. In 3…2…1
Cute Casting Guy Nick: And what’s your name?
Me: Hi I’m Mary. (Oh thank gawd my voice worked).
CCGN: Hi Mary, Who is your favorite singer?
Nick: *Eye Roll* Okay, Mary (His inner monologue: Really? You can’t come up with some more original than Madonna?) sing a Madonna song for us.
I made it through the wilderness
Somehow I made it through ooh ooh
Didn’t know how lost I was until I found you
I went on through to the end of the first verse, complete with hip action on the uh, uh, uh part
Like a Virgin, Touched for the very first time
Out of ALL THE MADONNA songs in the WORLD I choose LIKE A VIRGIN? Are you kidding me?
And then, trying to be funny, I pulled a Mary Catherine Gallagher posed and yelled “Madonna.”
Yep, I did. DORK!
After all the folks in our group sang, CCG Nick excused us from the room and said the infamous words, “Thanks for coming in…you’ll be hearing from us.”
I walked away banging my hand against my head like Chris Farley’s How Could I Be So Stupid SNL sketches and then wondered if my cider was too warm to drink. Oh well, I figured, I tried.
Then, just as I was almost through the door I heard my name being called.
“Mary, you forgot something.”
I walked back to where CCGNick and his cronies were sitting and they said, “Congratulations, You made it to the next round. Can you come to a call back tomorrow?”
Inner Monologue: Guess Like a Virgin wasn’t a bad choice of song after all.
The next day, after throwing a baby shower for one of my best friends, I put the SAME outfit back on that I had auditioned in the day before and headed to the new casting location in Mission Valley.
(BTW, it can be a smart idea to wear the same thing to the call back because they obviously liked you, hence the call back, and you will seem more familiar to the casting folks if you look the same).
When I walked in to the room, I was the LAST person they were going to see. CCGNick was there and another young, cute guy named Jada. One of them said, “Look, we’ve been here all day and we’re tired and bored. We need you to wake us up.”
I have no idea what I did or said except that I busted out my old karaoke favorites, Salt N’ Peppa’s Shoop, Proud Mary and Bobby McGee and them all dancing along. I told them my theory that I felt like I was auditioning for the role of Mary Burt-Godwin. I went on to say that the show and I were MFOE. Yes, I really said, MFOE, Made For Each Other.
Two days later I was headed to LA for a third call back.
To Be Continued…
Stay tuned til next week when I talk about the LA audition, how I made the producer cry and who I ran into at the Subway in Hollyweird. Oh, I may or may not get to the Wayne Brady/The Secret part. You’ll have to wait and see.