Welcome to the fourth and final installment of How Wayne Brady and The Secret Conspired to Make Me a Stay at Home Mom. If you have not yet read Part 1, Part 2 and/or Part 3, you may want to start there.
When I last left off, I was quaking in my new Nordstom black heels, just about to be called on stage to sing in front of a lot of freaking people and for a lot of freaking money. But before I go any further with the main story at hand, I need to digress a little and talk about how the book The Secret plays into it all. First, I must make a confession. I love me some good self-help. From the Artist’s Way to Write it Down, Make it Happen, if it tells me how to live my best self and reach my goals, I am all over it.
And in the early part of 2007, when my little Lily was 5 months old and my precious maternity leave ended, I decided to pick up The Secret after hearing Oprah and others RAVE about it. I listened to it in the car on my commute to work and LOVED it.
The Secret, if you have not read, seen or heard it, is essentially all about the power of positive thinking and putting your goals/dreams/desires out to the universe. Though the secret is not just putting things out to the universe, the secret is then TRUSTING that it will happen and releasing control over when, where, why and how it will happen.
I need to write an entirely separate post on how awesome I think it is, but for now, let’s just say, I embraced The Secret; whole heartedly and with jazz hands. And one evening while chatting with my hubby about our goals for the year, I talked about wanting to stay home with Lily and with The Secret in mind, I said, “Okay, I am somehow going to make X amount of dollars for our family this year.” The amount was not an exorbitant amount of money, but it was considerably more than what I was making at my day job. And so there it was…out into the universe. And then, I completely forgot about that conversation.
Until 7 months later…when I was standing next to the hotness know as Wayne Brady (WB from here on out), with a mic in one hand, a pool of sweat in the other and a couple of song lyrics standing between me and a lot of freaking money.
After fumbling over my words with Wayne, wondering if that was an indication of how articulate I was going to be on stage I began to panic again, but there was no time for that because the voice of god announced, “And welcome our next contestant, Mary Burt-Goodwin.”
Even though they mispronounced my last name, I ran onto the stage with more spunk than a 15 yo Texas Cheerleader on Red Bull, doing some weird cross between the Hustle and a mobile Charlie’s Angels pose.
The adrenaline was INSANE! The lights, the live audience, and the full camera crew was almost more than I could handle. But once I saw the jumbotron sized karaoke screen with the dollar sign$ all over it, I strangely found myself in the zone. I was no longer star struck by WB, nor intimidated by the crowd or the cameras; it was just me and my lyrics. It was GAME ON.
Now this is where I need to digress again…
As fate would have it (I swear to those same gods of cheesy boy bands that this is true), just last night, in the middle of typing this post, I did a little lurking around Facebook and saw the name of the show’s producer via my segment producer’s page, the same guy that yodeled and cried with me in my audition. I thought, oh what a coincidence, I will just sent him a message to say I am blogging about my experience on the show since it was cancelled and the confidentiality contract is null & void (which was my dumb arse conclusion).
This morning, he replied. Nice to hear from you, blah, blah, blah, oh and by the way, the confidentiality contract is still in effect an because all-new episodes will be airing in syndication on FOX stations across America as well as VH1 and MyNetworkTV in primetime. So dear readers, I’m afraid there is going to be a massive revolt, but I cannot tell you anything that happened on that stage for fear the suits of Hollywood will come after me with their dizzying legal mumbo jumbo and sue me right out of my $15.99 Target shoes.
I am taking this seriously because dear readers, my episode NEVER AIRED! After the taping of my episode, I waited anxiously every Wednesday night, week after week, hoping to see my mug on the previews for the following week, and though I was featured in the show’s promo package every week, jumping up and down like I was about to spike a volleyball, they never showed my segment. So, I am still bound by that damned contract to not tell you what happened.
BUT… What I will tell you is this:
1) It was one of the BEST experiences of my life.
2) I did break ALL of the cardinal rules
3) The Secret is REAL!
The good news is, there is still a chance my epsisode might still air. I will not hold my breath, but now I will have to fill up my dvr with DFTL again in hopes of catching my segment.
Thanks for taking this ride with me in these ridiculously LONG blog posts that really led nowhere, except hope.