Though not a sexy solution in the slightest, sometimes Spanx are just a necessary evil in a woman’s life. Like on those white and/or tight dress days. Or those feeling a little bloated days. Or those I’m gonna be hanging out with a bunch of skinny bitches days. All of which describe my last Friday night at the track, hence the reason I busted out the pack of Assets from my dresser, the lower price point version of Spanx that are now sold in Target, that just happened to be a free give-away at the BlogHer ’10 conference.
Every time I wear those miracle sucker-inners, the following things invariably happen: 1) I think of Rob Lowe feeling up Mare Winnigham in St Elmo’s Fire and asking if she’s wearing a scuba suit 2) I feel like someone’s grandmother (must be the nude coloring) 3) I inevitably get uncomfortable (and delusionally secure) and, after a few drinks, end up taking them off and leaving in them in the ladies’ room trashcan.
However, this past Friday night was a little different. Within five minutes of being at the track, Sugar of SugarJones.tv told me ASS looked GOOD. Holla! And then, a few of the other ladies admitted to having them on too. Yeah boi! Watch me now.
Photo compliments of Theresa the ultimate Rock on Mommy
Sidebar: The sticker on my back was our pass into the VIP dining section. Don’t ass-k how it ended up there.
And, unlike most other nights of wearing the ubertight undergarments, I had so much fun throughout the night, without worrying about unseemly dimples showing through my dress, that I totally forgot I even had them on.
I also forgot how to keep a hold of my belongings, hence the case of the missing iPhone. Now, thanks to the generosity of my girl Theresa, I have her old iPhone til I can convince my husband that I NEED the iPhone 4G, and that I won’t toss it in a dumpster or run over it with my car. And speaking of Theresa, she’s the one I threw under the bus in my latest Momsense video for not telling me about the ginormous hole in my ass (that sounds weird–just watch the video). She has proven herself to be a tried and true friend. Though she did throw me under the bus again by posting this detailed account of our Del Mar debauchery (love you, T!).
So how do you feel about wearing scuba gear on special nights out? Wouldn’t be caught dead? Or, hell yeah, bring on the slimming lycra!
Just ask San Diego Momma about my SPANX, they gave me a wedgie so I had to discard them and the slip ended up around my boobs! Love SPANX, need them to sponsor my muffin top for BlogHer next year! BTW, your ass always looks good…not that I’m looking :)
I love you! You need to come out with me everytime I go out!!! xo
again. laughing that we are in the middle of the Paddock doing this.
We were quite the spectacle! A hawt spectacle, but a spectacle nonetheless.
I never leave home without the scuba gear. I always feel like Mare Winningham. BTW — I have a skirt exactly like your dress!
That St Elmo’s Fire is embedded in my brain forever. Though when I first saw the movie I had NO idea what they were talking about.: )
You rocked that dress!! I kind of doubt Spanx deserves credit for that, but if you want to give it–I am sure they’d gladly take it.
I don’t usually like to wear hose or Spanx but if they are really that comfortable and would make me look like you did, I’ll reconsider.
You don’t need spanx! You’re one of the skinny bitches I was talking about. And I say that with all the love in my heart! : ) xoxo
HA. Yes, we were in the middle of the paddock.. nice. You stay classy San Diego..
I love my SPANX. Assests I wasn’t thrilled with, but willing to try again. I told my mom that I’m pissed at her generation. They took fab things like big hair, fake eyelashes and body forming undergarments and had to make them unfashionable with all their hippy clothes and bra burning. Face it, many of us look better with things lifted and tucked and done up nice and big. :)
lift and tuck baby, lift and tuck!
Woo Hoo! Hot Mama! :) Sorry I haven’t been around in awhile…you know, the whole mom of 5 kids thing. Anywhoski…I also have the Assets – I have never tried the Spanx so I have nothing to compare it to…but I do have to say my Assets roll down sometimes so my muffin top comes flying out. But it does smooth out the booty nicely.
I’ve missed you! But good god almighty, 5 kids? I worship you!!! Muffin top over smooth booty is always a toss up in my world!!!
Any suck ‘em innie, smooth ‘em outie, hide the cheesy undergarment that doesn’t hike up, roll down or pop off is a winner.
I had a child and now approaching the end of my 30s – bring it on. Body shaping, firming undergarments are here to stay! I need an afordable product that will lift the girls in a strapless bra, suggestions?
Go to Intimacy Bra in Fashion Valley. Expensive but they can solve any problems your girls are giving you!
I am applying to be one of your skinny bitch friends.
What’s that you say?
Fine.
I’ll be back in 10 lost pounds from now…
You are a skinny bitch. End of story.
next year i’m going to be one of the skinny bitch friends. only…not from california.
i have a love/hate with all sucker inners…because of the parts that don’t get sucked in…like where the spanx ends and the muffin top around my knee begins.
The muffin top thing is a big concern for me. That’s why I hike those bad boys up to my bra line! It’s the bulging out of my thighs that is really disconcerting! Can’t wait to see you next summer! Spanxless and sassy!
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