Yesterday could’ve been a crappy day.
I had a conference call with a client at 1:30 in the afternoon. I put Lexi down for a nap at 1:15 and then put a tv show on for Lily, while dangling a lollipop over her head for good behavior. At 1:30 sharp, I sat down at my desk, and by desk I mean livingroom/diningroom/Momsense-set table and pulled up my client on Gmail Chat. As my video window appeared I was greeted by my own ghastly countenance and realized I hadn’t showered in over 24 hours, had not one ounce of make-up on and was rockin’ the raw/red nose, sickly look compliments of this fucking cold. Awesome!
I smiled sheepishly and began our business meeting.
A few minutes later I heard rumblings over the monitor. And by rumblings, I mean shouting.
I ignored the rumblings and proceeded with my virtual meeting.
A few mintues later I heard more rumblings, this time peppered with words, words that sounded vaguely familiar. But I ignored them and forged ahead with my meeting.
And then, even more minutes later, the rumblings-plus-words got louder and even more distinct. I could hear her LOUDLY and CLEARLY and I’m pretty sure, so could my client.
“Mom! I have poo!”
Oh no she di’n't.
“Mom! I have poo! It’s eveywehw!”
Oh yes, she did.
“Mom! I have…”
Don’t have to tell me three times…I quickly chimed in, “Um, I’m sorry to interrupt the meeting. I, uh, need to attend to my daughter for a sec.” I gave my client and his assistant the opportunity to hang up or hold on. They chose the latter. Great!
I bounded up the stairs to find Lexi in her tee shirt and diaper repeating, calmly this time and with a sly grin, “Mom, I have poo eveywehw.”
Awesomeness!
Suddenly I flashed back to a half hour prior when I layed her down in her crib, in a shirt and diaper only, even though I knew she had not yet taken her very regular morning poo. No mom in her right mind puts a child to bed in a diaper only, particularly when a poo is imminent. But I was not in my right mind today, what with the packing and the cold and the pms thing goin’ on. So, I stupidly went against anything I know to be true as a mom, and put Lexi to bed in a diaper, only. I have no one to blame but myself here.
So back to the poo at hand.
I looked at her and said, “What do you mean everywhere?”
Then she showed me her hand, I knew what she meant. Poo.
Hand, leg, diaper, tee shirt, blanky. Poo. Not everywhere, but A LOT of places.
So I grabbed a towel, delicately yanked her out of the crib and yelled “Don’t touch anything, Lexi!”
Then, I assessed the situation, grabbed the wipes, plopped her on the towel and started in on the messy mess. After many exclamations like, “Oh man, lexi, stinky poop poo!” and “Oh dear, really Lexi? Yucky poo poo!” I realized, Oh crap (literally), the monitor is still on.
Again, more awesomeness!
So basically, my client had been listening to via the monitor change this crappy, stinky fuck-all of a mess.
I cleaned Lexi up, put her back down (her sheet remained unscathed thank the good lord), washed my hands and bounded back down the stairs, all at light speed I might add.
Hi Dr., sorry about that. I just had to…um…yeah…well.
“Everything okay?” He asked kindly.
I couldn’t tell whether or not he was just being kind, or if he hadn’t overheard the crap fiasco, but I wasn;t about to ask. “Yep, she’s all good. So, as you were saying…” and back to the original conversation I went as naturally as a mom with poo on the brain does.
Stop telling crappy stories about me, Mom!
So yes, yesterday could have been a crappy day. But it wasn’t. It was okay after all because my client was cool, and also because I woke up to an email from my web-designer, Susie of Zee Studio, with a demo of my new site all ready to roll out, and I was thrilled! Great blog design trumps crappy client/poo fiasco.
And here it is (look around).
But don’t worry. Though I may have had some work done to my exterior, I will still be me. I will still be talking about poop and GLEE and all sorts of four letter words (as my new tag line alludes to) just like always.
Be sure to subscribe to me (even if you were subscribed before, you will have to do it again) and tell me how much you love the new look in the comments. And I will love you back, forever.
More from NYC later this week! Woot Woot!
PS If you want more crap stories, check out my girl Stefanie’s post that totally trumps this one!
Love the new Mama Mary Show site!!!!
Thanks Jenn! Remember, you get my love and admiration forever for being my first commenter on the new site. Oh, and because you’re cool as hell!
LOVE the new web site, Mur!! Have a great time in New York, girl, as you do deserve it. Can’t wait to hear all about it when you get back.
Thanks T! I’m sure I’ll have some good stories for ya!
love love love the new site. I resubscribed.
Thanks Katie! See you soon in NYC.
Looks aw-some!!!!
Will you send some of the calmness my way?! Not feeling it this week.
Have a great time at BlogHer!
Sitting on the train to NYC right now is the only calm i’ve had in four years! : ) will miss you at BlogHer! Xo
Love the new layout and logo!! Awesome!! Oh, and can totally relate to working at home. I always do the TV trick but need to do the lollipop one too…thanks for the tip :) I resubscribed to get my dose of Mama Mary Madness….!
I love the new look. Perfect. Just perfect.
So glad to have your approval MZ! Means a lot! Hope you had a great vacay!
Love the colors and design and all of it, all of it!
Well I love all of you!
I’m new to your site. I almost spit water on my computer reading your poo story. Thank you for the comic relief on a crap day of my own!
Thanks for stopping by and hope you’ll be back! Sorry bout your computer! I think every mom has a story like this, eh? A nice crap story to warm the heart. : )
The other day my 2 1/2 year old potty trained son brought me a small turd, in his hand. Please, tell me when I can stop worrying about poop. Love the new site look, btw.
Something about the word turd just made me totally crack up!!! I don’t think we ever have to stop worrying about poo. But at least we can laugh about it too! Glad you like the new site. : )
The new site looks awesome. Love your stories! Keep up the great work.
Thanks Terri!!! Lexi is looking so much different than Lily, huh?
P.S, Lexi is adorable
The new website is awesome Mary! Love the new look. Hope you are having a great time in NY with Stef!
Thanks Suzy! Stef and I are certain to have a blast! : )
Ohhhhh I love the feel of the new site – kinda feel like a sister to site now. I hope you have a blast in NYC, I will definitely be watching (kleenex in hand because I have come down with that nasty viral thingy too..) oh and Aunt Flo followed ME all the way to Bawston last week and all I packed was a handful of “lites” and white chinos!… SUPAH.
We need to meet up before 2010 is over – fur real!
Fur Real we need to meet up, and Susie needs to come too! And we are sisters in more ways than one, I am sure of it!!!
Look forward to checking out the new site. Good lord with the poop! I know I have a good poop story to share with you but I can’t think of it now – it was so traumatic that I suppressed the memory!
I want to hear your best poop story at the next book/wine club!
LOVE the new look – the picture of you at the top is fabulous. Love the color – cuz it’s yours and it’s just easy to navigate!
Also, loved the CRAP blog. Too funny! Did you show it to my Dad! If not, I want too!!! Such a kick!
LH