how to prepare for your 40th birthday

Warning: Video contains mature language. Well, just one five letter word that describes male genitalia. But still. Probably not suitable for children.

My 40th Birthday is less than 60 days away, folks. As I do with any major impending event or rite of passage, I get a little wiggy. I do weird shit in hopes of shedding a few pounds and looking my best, as is demonstrated in my latest video blog.

I’ve heard that “everything changes” at age 40, like metabolism decreases and cellulite increases, and that whatever condition my body is in at 40, is going to be the best I’m gonna get. Yet, in the same breath, I’ve also heard that a woman at age 40 finally enters a phase of being comfortable in her own skin, and that despite the saggy, flabby, wrinkly body parts, she is more likely to feel confident about herself (especially now, thanks to Botox).

Whatever the case may be, I am looking forward to the next phase of life. But I am also hell bent on losing some lbs. Hence the crazy shit as in the video above.

In anticipation for the big birthday, I’ve come up with my own take on the Dance, Laugh, Sing, Live poem to remind me of what’s important in this next stage.

How to prepare for a 40th birthday



  1. 1
    Charlotte says:

    hahaha this is great! and yes.. 40 is the new 20!

  2. 2
    Galit Breen says:

    Love this, Mary!

    And, for the record, you are so going to rock 40!


  3. 3
    Jen says:

    You are a riot!

    And don’t look a day over 30.

    You rock into those 40’s and show them the awesomeness that is Mama Mary

  4. 4
    Jessica says:

    You are hilarious and do NOT look 40!

  5. 5
    Theresa says:

    Oh Mary, Mary, Mary! Love ya!

  6. 6

    From someone who just turned 50, I feel ya!

  7. 7
    Holly Turville says:

    I. Can. NOT. Wait. To. Celebrate. Your 40TH FREAKING BIRTHDAY!!! With. You.

  8. 8
    Tonya says:

    I turn 40 in June and I’m freaking out!! Crazy prep on my end too.

    Happy 40th, beautiful!

  9. 9
    Jamie says:

    You’re making almost 40 look good! I’ll be right there with you next summer, so I’ll have to start putting these tips into practice! Hope your birthday festivities are fabulous and can’t wait to hear more about them on The Mama Mary Show!

  10. 10
    SIL Laura says:

    Start watching Biggest Loser… you’ll find yourself not eating and doing random exercises while you watch.. at least, that’s what I do. :)

  11. 11
    anna seed says:

    You are going to rock 40!

  12. 12
    Maribel R. says:

    love it! I must try your advice so I can look like you at 40! ;)

  13. 13
    Sherri says:

    I said it before…and I’ll say it again. You are hilarious! Love it!

  14. 14

    Bingo wings! heh!


  15. 15
    Laura F says:

    I love this video. I love how you just put your craziness out there for everyone to see! I don’t plan on “getting comfortable in my skin”. I will fight for a strong body and healthy glow forever! Oh and Sam calls those things “lunch lady arms”.

  16. 16

    Don’t forget the kegels.

  17. 17
    Amanda D. says:

    Loved this! Wishing you a very happy 40th!

  18. 18
    Dan says:

    Oh… my… god. Why have I not found your blog before? It’s funny stuff! Haha. This video had me laughing my freaking face off.

  19. 19

    I have one month and 10 days…but I’ve been staying 29 for 10 years and it seems to be working..

  20. 20
    Justin Barba says:

    40 is definitely the new 20 (except it’s better since you know more).

  21. 21

    I am turning 40 this year too and I so get it. I also do leg lifts at the kitchen sink – and walking in place, calf raises. squats. My kids think I’ve lost my mind.

  22. 22
    Justin Barba says:

    Also, I love the carrot thing–my wife does that all the time too! String cheese and carrots. And last night she was doing some funky plyometrics while giving our daughter a bath. You gotta do what you gotta do!

  23. 23
    Blond Duck says:

    Popped in from SITS! I turn 30 in 2 years….I’ll follow this for that big b-day!

  24. 24

    BINGO WINGS! I love it! My problem now is that my left arm is looking pretty good because that’s the side I usually tote my 22-lb baby on, but the right arm (which I need to keep free for things like smacking my other kids) is not getting nearly the same workout. I’m all uneven. Not a good look.

  25. 25

    You CRACK me up. I’m a mom in her 40’s who so appreciates a fun blog like yours!

  26. 26

    I’m no longer a vlog virgin. I taped my first one last eve! I come to you for inspiration. And you tell me about penis arms? :-) I have work to do….you are a natural. Well, maybe not so much, the carrots thing tells me you might be channeling Peter Cottontail. But I do like your ‘warning’ notice under your video, classy move, I might have to try that. Plus, I love the Cindy Crawford mask. I just ran out. Thanks for keepin’ it real. You’ll love the 40s. Did I just type that?

  27. 27

    40s? 40s? Wait until you hit the Big 5-0… talk about a trip. But here’ the thing… I’m 55 and get guessed to be 30-something all the time. Want to know my secret? Here ya go… It’s Dr. Zein Obagi and his wonderful NuDerm Skin Care products.

    I was getting marionette lines in 1993, and of course now it’s 2012 and I still don’t have them! Cool, huh? So, Google it. Then find a dermatologist in your area who reps his line, make an appointment, and buy it. I promise you. It’s so worth it!

    Oh, and another thing… Use sunscreen, daily. Like clockwork. That’s one of the biggest unknown secrets around. Because here’s the deal… when your daughter turns about 14yrs old, if she uses sunscreen EVERYDAY, she’ll dramatically reduce the signs of aging BIG TIME (as said per Dr. Patricia Wexler on the Oprah Show).

    Any hoo… You look good, girl! So, don’t sweat it. Being young is so overrated. You look good, but you’re as dumb as a box of rocks. I’ll take growing old gracefully, any day.

    Loved the video!

  28. 28
    @TheNextMartha says:

    I’m turning 40 this year and I’m doing none of those things. In fact, I’m on a “donuts around Chicago” tour currently. You look fabulous.

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