My dearest Lily & Lexi,
I have something to confess.
I had a lot of fun tonight, while you were at your dad’s. I never thought I’d say that, but it’s true.
Five months ago, the thought of spending nights away from you on a regular basis literally made my stomach hurt. That’s one of the main reason I fought against the separation for so long. I hated the thought of you doing anything cute or fun or for-the-first-time without me, and still do, really, but now that the separation is a reality, I have had to come to terms with it.
So here we are, ten miles apart for one-to-two nights a week, and instead of being sad, I’ve decided to embrace our time apart. Not only and am I going to like it, I’m going to love it because this is what life is presenting us in this moment, and just as I’ve said before,
“If you love life, it will love you back.”
I’m also going to love it because the three of us are together so often, this time apart gives us space which will allow us to appreciate what we have in each other.
Don’t get me wrong, of course I’m thinking of you and missing you like crazy. Like when I take the warm towels out of the dryer and bury my face in them, laughing to myself while envisioning you both wrapping yourselves in them like mummies. Or when I walk by your room and catch a glimpse of your favorite Beanie Boos staring at me (remind me why I agreed to get you that unicorn again!?!?).
But then, I settle in for some “me” time. I work a little, Facebook a little, and catch up on some of my backlogged DVR’d Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon episodes. I drink some wine, text message friends, and even watch some TV up on the high channels (don’t ask, you’ll find out in due time what that means).
What’s so awesome about this situation is that tomorrow is going to be amazing. You know why? Because I’m going to bounce out of bed, with a renewed spirit, waiting for you both to come home. I’m sure you’ll be in good moods because you love your time with dad, eating chocolate chip pancakes and sleeping in a tent in the living room. Even though I had a hard time at first hearing how much fun you have on your nights away, it now brings me a great sense of peace.
Since there is an abundance of unnecessary mom guilt in the world, I’ve decided to not feel guilty for enjoying these nights apart. The mom-guilt zone is treacherous (seriously, any kind of guilt is totally counter-productive). Instead, I am going to “look on the bright side of life,” and know that this is where we are meant to be.
With love and light, and hope that you brush your teeth thoroughly when you’re not at home,
Your Mom XOXOX