After further analysis (which typically happens mere moments after a I click “publish” on a post) of that analogy, I realized that it wasn’t a very accurate comparison, mainly because in a marathon, there is one runner following one specific goal, yet in a marriage, there are two people whose pace, stride, and end goals can and, more often than not, do change through time.
Back in January, my husband told me that he “wanted to see what life was like not together.” In June, we were separated.
I was blindsided by his claim and not remotely ready for it, though I’m not sure anyone is ever ready for such news. The marathon I thought we were running together became something else entirely. Yes, we had hit that 23rd mile bonk, but it was also a fork in the road where the path we had been traveling on together for sixteen years was suddenly split into two.
The shock I felt upon learning that my marriage was at risk was reminiscent of how I felt thirteen years ago when an oncologist told me that my dad had a grapefruit sized tumor in his stomach and that he only had a few months to live.
Life as I knew it, in both situations, took on an almost comic book quality–surreal, strange, sardonic. Words like cancer, separation, death and divorce–how did they, in a split second, become a part of my lexicon? I fought them off like crazy, those ugly, malignant words. I refused to let them into my space, so instead, they hung above my head like a comic bubble, next to words like, Pow and Blam–like sucker punches to my gut.
The similarities between watching my dad die and watching my marriage fail are many:
One thing I have never admitted to, until now, is that I wear a retainer.
Yes, a retainer. It’s a sexy retainer, I swear, but nevertheless, a retainer.
I only wear it a few nights a week to keep the awesome alignment of my teeth granted to me by Invisalign about 10 years ago (I had quite a prominent snaggle tooth for many years of my life that made me cringe every time I smiled), and so, getting Invisalign was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. However no one warned me that after the straightening process was all done, I would need to wear a retainer FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
Once I got over the shock of having to wear a retainer, I decided to embrace the retainer. I mean, what else was there to do? So, I learned to love my sexy retainer, but what I didn’t learn was how to
Last week my almost 8 year old daughter and her BFF had a debate over the words puberty and period. My daughter Lily had heard me talk about periods (as in, “sorry mommy’s grouchy, it’s my period week) and her friend had heard the word puberty on one of those darned Disney “people” shows. To set the record straight, they decided to ask her friend’s dad to explain “puberty and periods” which led to an awkward pause and then a pretty common reply of, “go ask your mother.”
Upon hearing this story, it occurred to me that, ding, ding, ding, it’s time to have the puberty talk with Lily.
This post is part of my ongoing paid campaign with Kool Tool, one of the most ingenious items ever created. All opinions are mine.
A lovely bloggy friend of mine, Tracy Morrison, just published a hilarious post on HuffPo entitled, 12 Sure Signs of Menopause. Though there is nothing funny about Menopause, just as with everything in life, we women need to find ways of laughing at ourselves and the crazy-ass stuff that happens to our bodies.
I think I have a few years yet before I can relate completely to Tracy’s post, she described a few scenarios to which I can definitely relate.
The first two I have for sure (but not sure I can blame on menopause):
#1) The bitchy syndrome—I’ve been bitchy and cranky my whole life so this one ain’t new in my life.
#2) The weight gain—I’ve gained a ton of weight lately but I’m gonna go ahead and blame that on my stress eating and drinking.
But the #3rd situation that she described in her post that I am definitely experiencing and is DEFINITELY a sign of perimenopause is . . .
Holy lawd, “my own personal summers” are happening nearly every damn day, and it’s not pretty. Honestly, I get so hot that I make my kids wear their winter gear so I can have the A/C at a ridiculously cold temp.
One of my nieces has just entered the phase where some of her friends are getting married, one of those being her best friend. Guess what that means . . . She gets to give a wedding toast! The thought of wedding toasts can be daunting and diarrhea-inducing, even for people like me who love being on a microphone, so it’s important to prepare in advance.
Back in the last 90′s I gave three different wedding toasts at my college besties’ weddings so I’ve decided to impart some of the knowledge I learned back then (mostly the hard way) to anyone facing the task of giving a toast.
1) Don’t be sloshed OR sober, be some where in the middle–Slurring like The Hoff does not go over well in a crowd, but a slight buzz will help settle the butterflies.
2) Don’t Drink Red Wine–At least prior to the toast so you don’t risk purple lips or a dark red stain on your dress.
3) Rehearse it, out loud–Even if you’re an “off the cuff” type of person, plan out what you’re going to say, and practice it at least once.
4) Do not mention exes (or anything that happened at the bachelor/bachelorette party)–Granny does not need to hear stories of theblushing bride’s debaucherous past.
5) Think of it like a term paper–Come up with one message you’d like to get across about the bride, groom or bride & groom. In your toast, start with an intro, stating your main message, then give 3 brief examples, and then tie all it with a succinct conclusion.
6) K.I.S.S. or Keep it SHORT, Sucker–There is drinking and dancing to be done so keep it
The Del Mar Races are a highlight of the year for San Diegans and every year they seem to keep upping the ante with more and more fun activities and events. The 77th season kicks off tomorrow, Thursday, July 17th, with a Hat Contest and big opening day party with beer gardens, food trucks, DJs and probably some of the best people watching all summer. Gates open at noon and the first post is at 2:00pm.
Sidenote: I’ve never attended opening day but it’s definitely on my bucket list!
We’re headed to the track this coming Sunday (thanks to complimentary tickets from their PR peeps) for Family Fun Day. Here are the deets on Family Fun Day:
Kids 12 and under will receive a free Webkinz Plush Horse (while supplies last). Families can also:
Decorate their own hats with the Rad Hatter
Meet the Del Mar Mascot, Pony Boy
Enjoy: rock climbing walls, bungee trampolines, inflatable rides, face paining, pony rides, magic shows, baseball and golf activities and more.
Pony rides are on my kids' summer bucket list so looks like we'll get to check that one off!
These kid-friendly activities in the Infield continue every Saturday and Sunday throughout the meet.
Important dates during the season to note:
Opening Day & Hat Contest Day (7/17)
Donuts Day (7/19 & 8/23)
Free Plush Horse Giveaway Day (7/20)
Jockey Photo Day (7/20)
Beer Fest (7/26)
Pacific Classic (8/24)
Weiner Dog Nationals (8/30)
And check out the awesome Summer Concert Series line-up: